I Can't Believe She Said That

Anyone who knew my family while I was growing up would have said we were a great, tight knit family. My parents were still married, they had the four of us children, and we spend a great deal of time together. The main reason for that was because we moved around a few times.

I was born in Waterbury, CT in 1986. My family, just my parents and me then, lived in Naugatuck, a town next to Waterbury. A year and 10 months later, my sister was born at the same place. When I was 3, we moved from Naugatuck to Waterbury. When I was 5, we moved again to the small village of Durham, CT.

Over the next 5 years, my parents had two more children, my brother and youngest sister. We were really starting to settle down as a family and getting to feel comfortable in that town.

That was when my father got transferred to Maryland. So, when I was 10, we packed up again and moved to Timonium, MD. My mother was not happy living in this strange town so far away from where she grew up, in upstate New York. The people acted differently, and we just didn't seem to fit in. I, on the other hand, enjoyed living in Maryland.

13 months after moving to Maryland, my father quit his job after finding another one back in Connecticut. We moved into a very small house in Derby, CT. It was all we could afford after moving expenses twice in two years and having TV and car problems in Maryland. I had gotten used to moving, and dealt with it by staying quiet at school. I was afraid to make friends, knowing I probably be moving again.

Sure enough, a year later, my parents found a larger house across the river in Shelton, CT. All four children finally had their own rooms and a small backyard.

My mother had always been very interested in murder mysteries and was very protecting of her children. For example, I was not allowed to get the mail from the mailbox by myself until I was over 12 years old. I never had sleepovers or birthday parties, either.

That was why my family was so shocked in August, 2008, while on a trip to my mother's parent's house when my mother looked up from the book she was reading and told my father, "I want a divorce."

I can't say I didn't see it coming. She had always expressed how she felt about my father working long hours and not spending very much time playing with the kids in the backyard and how he felt she was not allowed to go out by herself or with friends. For almost 2 years before this faithful day, my mother had been working in a factory with a bunch of middle-aged, divorced women who liked to party. My father and siblings and I all feel this had a lot to do with her announcement.

My parents met when my father was on a business trip. He was from Rhode Island and was a photographer at the time. He went to the department store my mother was working in and accidentally left his coat there. My mother found it, contacted him, and they started dating. My father had to go back home, but they talked on the phone almost every night. Two weeks later, my father suggested that they get married so they could spend more time together. My mom said yes and moved into my father's parent's house with him. Less than two months after they met, they were married.

My mother was really shy and never got a chance to have her own life before getting married. She always told me she had only been drunk once, at her bachelorette party, didn't like it, and will never do it again. She kept that promise to herself until she started hanging out with her coworkers. 

From August, when she made her announcement, to January, 2009, my mother has completely changed. She has been going to the casino every other weekend and going to diners with her male coworkers 2 or 3 times a week at 3am after getting out of work. (She works the 4-midnight shift, but usually stays longer.)

My mother has started to drink on a regular basis, and emailing her "friend" from work. My father and sister found an email she had written to her "friend" saying that she was sorry for something she had done and would do anything to make it up to him.

The most shocking statement she made in the email was when she told this guy that her children were the most important thing in her life, until she met him.

I am 22 years old and it really hurt to hear that. I can't imagine how my 16-year-old brother and 13-year-old sister feel. I think about it everyday and have spent a couple of nights in tears wondering what happened. I have a friend that I have known and has known my family since we were 5-years-old. She could not believe what she was hearing.

I have not talked to my mother since hearing about the email. My father is heart broken. He is such a great person, and is one of the nicest people I have ever met. Even he told my mother to leave as soon as she could. I have only heard my father raise his voice once or twice before. My 20-year-old sister, who recently moved back in to our parent's house, told me my father finally confronted my mother about what was going on. She heard him yelling at her. She denied the email and that there was anything going on between her and her "friend" even when he showed her the email.

My question is what happened? How can someone go from being so proud of being a mother to wanting nothing to do with her children? How can she give up her children for some guy that she works with? Does she realize how much pain and mental anguish she has already put her 4 children and husband through? My father said my youngest siblings have already started showing signs of mental or emotional problems. It makes me so angry that even writing this, I am sweating and shaking.

What Happened?